Is It Selfish To Put Yourself First?

Mariam Naeem
3 min readJul 25, 2021
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

We’ve all heard it right? Someone calling you selfish because you say no to doing something for the first time in your life, simply because you’re trying to your own thing?

Remember that moment that you planned a whole day for yourself and someone called you selfish because you never thought to call them and invite them along, or to do anything with them?

People have to stop expecting things from people simply because they’re family or because they’re close. It’s a rare moment when you get to do something for yourself, so it’s understandable you want to take full advantage and go it alone. We need that moment to ourselves, even if it simply to breathe or to go for a walk or go to the gym. You might want to disappear for a few days and have a weekend away. That’s not a bad thing.

Remember, it is okay to want to take time out for yourself. It is okay to want some space from the people you’re normally running around after. You’re only human and we ALL deserve a break sometimes.

Sometimes relationships within couples or families can be a little toxic, especially if they just expect you to do something and not refuse. And when you do refuse, it can get a little stressful when you find yourself getting an absolute earful about how ungrateful you are or how selfish you are and they throw everything back in your face and try to make you feel bad because you took that time out for yourself. Don’t give in.

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

Your time is YOUR time. Make it clear that you require your space. Tell them firmly but gently. They may not like it but over time, the more you make your boundaries clear, the more they will have to listen and respect that.

If they don’t listen, then make a plan to separate yourself from the toxicity of the person. This is very important because you don’t want to be constantly embroiled in a war with this person, only to suffer defeat because you end up agreeing and taking away the only time you have for yourself. It’s not wrong to say NO.

It can be especially difficult when it’s someone such as a parent or sibling. Don’t let that deter you. Make an…